Top 5 Ways to Ruin (RUIN!) an English Breakfast


Top 5 Ways to Ruin an English Breakfast
(I’m English and I love breakfast, I know what I’m talking about)

1. Anemic Bacon

Meaning barely cooked, horrible pink stuff with stringy white fat. I HATE this type of ‘cooked’ bacon and it puts me off ever eating it in public. Note to everyone – bacon should be crucified, burnt and crispy.

2. Cheap and/or Greasy Sausages

Almost as bad as the badly and barely cooked bacon but SLIGHTLY more forgivable with cheap sausages being slightly more edible than stringy bits of pink gammony mess. Though I hate both the aforementioned, I’d still rather have cheap bangers full of bread than those that leave a pool of grease on the plate (generally grease marks are only allowed when eating at KFC).

3. Runny Baked Beans

What a flash back to my old school dinners. Runny beans. GROSS!!! Baked beans swimming in a red pool of juice. YUCK!!! I like my beans stodgy thanks. In fact I usually drain the can before I even THINK about cooking them.

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4. No ‘Bubble & Squeak’ Option

In case you don’t know, bubble & squeak (no idea on the origin of the name) is a classic Brit dish, associated with the leftovers of the Great British Roast. The main ingredient is potato – which is then combined usually with cabbage but also could be Brussels sprouts or peas & carrots. The glorious mess is mashed up, then fried into little savoury cakes of heaven. And it’s bloody lovely. Shame a lot of breakfast menus tend to prefer the less superior hash browns. Hmmmmm.

5. Scrambled Egg

I don’t exactly hate scrambled egg, but I far, far prefer fried or boiled. Scrambled just always seems a little wet (both literally and figuratively). So no egg choice on the menu (or, more likely – the ‘buffet cart’) can upset me a lot.

Food for thought though?

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About emmakwall

Films, books, soundtracks, good humour
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42 Responses to Top 5 Ways to Ruin (RUIN!) an English Breakfast

  1. MIB says:

    I have cereal for my breakfast! 😛

  2. Urspo says:

    Having a proper English Breakfast is on my Bucket list. Since I’ve never had one, I won’t have standard baseline for comparison.

  3. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who drains a can of beans before cooking them!
    Just to throw another one in there – cremated toast. Just no.

  4. I’ve always wanted to try a Bubble & Squeak, just for the name alone.😁

  5. johnrieber says:

    Being from the US, where a traditional breakfast is eggs, bacon and hash browns, with toast not he side. I’d need a bit of warming up to the baked beans, but “Bubble & Squeak?” Count me in!

  6. Kevin says:

    I shall need you to cook me a proper British breakfast.The local place I go to here in Leigh commits a few sins on your list, so I must experience the real deal so I can show up in my Franciscan monk attire with my bell and shout “SHAME!” the next day at their place.

  7. The first test for any Full English, for me, is the temperature of the beans.
    I always go for them first. Cold beans = automatic fail.

  8. beetleypete says:

    I’m with you on stodgy beans, Em. But I don’t like bubble and squeak I’m afraid.
    As ever, Pete. XXX

  9. No opinions about your toast?

  10. alexraphael says:

    Great idea for a list. No ketchup or brown sauce is up there for me too.

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