Top 5 Ways to Ruin (RUIN!) an English Breakfast

Top 5 Ways to Ruin an English Breakfast
(I’m English and I love breakfast, I know what I’m talking about)

1. Anemic Bacon

Meaning barely cooked, horrible pink stuff with stringy white fat. I HATE this type of ‘cooked’ bacon and it puts me off ever eating it in public. Note to everyone – bacon should be crucified, burnt and crispy.

2. Cheap and/or Greasy Sausages

Almost as bad as the badly and barely cooked bacon but SLIGHTLY more forgivable with cheap sausages being slightly more edible than stringy bits of pink gammony mess. Though I hate both the aforementioned, I’d still rather have cheap bangers full of bread than those that leave a pool of grease on the plate (generally grease marks are only allowed when eating at KFC).

3. Runny Baked Beans

What a flash back to my old school dinners. Runny beans. GROSS!!! Baked beans swimming in a red pool of juice. YUCK!!! I like my beans stodgy thanks. In fact I usually drain the can before I even THINK about cooking them.


4. No ‘Bubble & Squeak’ Option

In case you don’t know, bubble & squeak (no idea on the origin of the name) is a classic Brit dish, associated with the leftovers of the Great British Roast. The main ingredient is potato – which is then combined usually with cabbage but also could be Brussels sprouts or peas & carrots. The glorious mess is mashed up, then fried into little savoury cakes of heaven. And it’s bloody lovely. Shame a lot of breakfast menus tend to prefer the less superior hash browns. Hmmmmm.

5. Scrambled Egg

I don’t exactly hate scrambled egg, but I far, far prefer fried or boiled. Scrambled just always seems a little wet (both literally and figuratively). So no egg choice on the menu (or, more likely – the ‘buffet cart’) can upset me a lot.

Food for thought though?

About emmakwall

Films, books, soundtracks, good humour
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42 Responses to Top 5 Ways to Ruin (RUIN!) an English Breakfast

  1. thebookofjess7504 says:

    Great post! I am so with you on the beans!

  2. You need to add black pudding, white pudding, fried bread, grilled tomato and a mountain of mushrooms (but please no beans soggy or stodgy, they’re reserved for student lunches, eat and evening meals).

  3. I totally agree with you 100% with the first 3. I never heard of bubble & squeak. And I only like scrambled eggs when I make them because I cook them really well. But I do prefer to eat them with something else on the same fork (like my crispy bacon). I can’t get any of those things in a restaurant. I’ll stick with pancakes, french toast, or waffles in a restaurant.

  4. vinnieh says:

    Haha, what an extremely fun post.

  5. Totally agree with you Emma on the bacon! Fatty, barely-cooked bacon makes me want to vomit.

  6. I pretty much only eat scrambled eggs, though I might have an omelet now and then.

  7. Madame Vintage says:

    An English breakfast seems to sound ideal as a brunch perhaps. That mid afternoon meal when you want your filling of a morning kick start but you’re not quite ready for a ‘real’ dinner sort of meal always sounds satisfying. I have to put my head slightly down to say, as a british I can’t say I take fancy to it though I’ll kindly take a vegetarian sausage. I’m glad there’s no mention of black pudding. Regardless, I understand the popularity of such a deserving breakfast on the occasions. Hope you have many a deserving breakfast – the proper quitessential Engljsh way!

    Sincerely Sonea

  8. Tom Schultz says:

    Ahem, what about the grits? Let Joe Pesci, aka My Cousin Vinny, explain…

  9. Love a good English breakfast! But only a good one. I agree – the beans need to be just right!

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