The 88th Academy Awards is taking place this weekend. And I thought it would be fun to tell you why I’m not into it. Though I must add – I genuinely enjoy all of your Academy Awards posts and Oscar love (and George Clooney – before 1999 at least) – so this is by no means meant to be taken seriously (though I AM being serious and don’t call me Shirley).
Without further ado.
1. They’re unnecessary and smug. Most of the people nominated are presumably on some level doing their ‘dream job’ and earning fantastic money and if you’re Leonardo DiCaprio – shagging A LOT of Victoria’s Secret models. So, without sounding bitter (I’m so fucking bitter!) – why do they deserve extra praise? Aren’t they ‘living the dream’ already?
No other normal industry does it. I certainly don’t remember the last time I was invited to the Annual Awards for Services to Auditing and Administration. Do you remember the last time you were praised in front of the nation for your services to the world? No, thought not.
But of course it’s so important these people are told again and again how wonderful they are. Of course it is. So important.
2. I’m not very interested in the films. Maybe it’s the inverted snob in me (I’m quite prepared to admit that) but I’m just not that bothered about watching the types of movies that are *drum roll please* Oscar Nominated. Coincidentally, you can read my most recent film review for Zoolander 2 here.
I’m a film fan and some of my favourites include From Dusk till Dawn, The Football Factory and The Guest (which remains the best film I’ve seen in recent years). I like crappy horrors and eighties soundtracks, I like to see Martin Short dancing around the living room and to watch 90s action classics (“they don’t make them like that anymore”) . Not necessarily all this ‘critically acclaimed’ stuff (what does critically acclaimed mean again?) though OF COURSE I do like a lot of serious, poignant and thought provoking stuff too. But because I choose too, not because of The Oscars.
Let’s be honest there is a huge degree of snobbery surrounding ‘The Academy’ and it is the same sorts of movies – and directors – and actors – that get nominated time after time after time.
3. The ‘swag’ bags. Meaning the party bags that are given to each guest. I can’t get an exact figure on what they’re worth but it’s A HELL OF A LOT. And that’s the ‘official’ bag only – many beauty retailers give unofficial bags also worth thousands of dollars.
I’m not naive. I know that some pigs are more equal than other pigs. But really? There’s actually millions of dollars being ploughed into FREEBIES for rich people and on the other side of the news we see families fleeing their homes with no money or possessions and homeless people begging just so they can eat?
Yeah I get it, it’s a glitzy and ridiculous over-the-top ceremony celebrating the rich, brilliant and beautiful Hollywood stars. All I’m saying is they could at least ditch the party bags.
4. The sheer duration. The Oscars go on for an average three hours which is absolutely ridiculous. And it’s even longer if you take into account commercial breaks and red carpet interviews. I don’t even wanna watch films that go on for that long so why the fuck would I want to watch an awards ceremony that does?
5. It’s all a load of rubbish anyway. And everyone knows that really – otherwise why has Leo been ignored for so long? Because he doesn’t partake in back scratching and ad placing?
Academy voters are made up mainly of actors, directors and producers (with about 75% being white and male). Getting nominated in the first place is a serious business and to secure a win – even more dedication is required. Let’s be honest, it doesn’t just come down to talent.
Judi Dench, who won Best Supporting Actress in 1998 for Shakespeare in Love, was only on screen for an incredible eight minutes. Sorry, I meant to say Dame Judi Dench.
And there’s plenty of actors who I think are really, really terrific – like Toby Jones or Stephen Graham or Jason Watkins. But they’ll never get nominated for an Oscar. Why? Because the Oscars are snobby, pretentious and boring (and I’d rather watch The Guest).
But I did promise to tell you the one thing I do like about the awards and that thing is……(probably going to be a let down now)………..seeing what people are wearing.
I know, so fetch and girlie right? I do love looking at the dresses.