The 88th Academy Awards is taking place this weekend. And I enjoy stirring up trouble so thought it would be fun to tell you why I’m not into it.
Though I must add – I genuinely love all of your Academy Awards posts and Oscar love (and George Clooney) – so this is by no means meant to be taken seriously (though I am being serious and don’t call me Shirley).
Without further ado.
1. They’re unnecessary and smug. Most of the people nominated are presumably on some level doing their ‘dream job’ and earning fantastic money and if you’re Leonardo DiCaprio – shagging A LOT of Victoria’s Secret models. So, without sounding moody – why do they deserve extra praise? Aren’t they living the dream already?
No other industry does it. I certainly don’t remember the last time I was invited to the Annual Awards for Services to Auditing and Administration. Do you remember the last time you were praised in front of the nation for your services to the world? No, thought not.
But of course it’s so important these people are told again and again how wonderful they are. Of course it is. So important.
2. I’m not very interested in the films. Maybe it’s the inverted snob in me (I’m quite prepared to admit that) but I’m not that bothered about watching the types of movies that are *drum roll please* Oscar Nominated. Coincidentally, you can read my most recent film review for Zoolander 2 here.
I’m a film fan but I like films that I like. Some of my favourites include Face Off, From Dusk till Dawn, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Grindhouse, Kill List and The Guest (which remains the best film I’ve seen in recent years).
Of course I enjoy ‘critically acclaimed’ stuff too (what does critically acclaimed mean again?) and would also count The Departed – for instance – as a favourite film.
But let’s be honest there is a huge degree of snobbery surrounding ‘The Academy’ and it is the same sorts of movies – and directors – and actors – that get nominated time after time after time.
Well so far I’ve only seen one film that’s nominated for Best Picture and I didn’t enjoy it as much as The Guest.
3. The ‘swag’ bags. Meaning the party bags that are given to each guest. I can’t get an exact figure on what they’re worth as media reports all say different. But it looks to be between $125,000 and $230,000. And that’s for the ‘official’ bag only – many beauty retailers give unofficial bags also worth thousands of dollars.
I’m not naive. I know that some pigs are more equal than other pigs. But really? There’s actually millions of dollars being ploughed into FREEBIES for rich people and on the other side of the news we see families fleeing their homes with no money or possessions and homeless people begging just so they can eat?
Yeah I get it, it’s a glitzy and ridiculous over-the-top ceremony celebrating the rich, brilliant and beautiful Hollywood stars. All I’m saying is they could at least ditch the party bags.
4. The sheer duration. The Oscars go on for an average three hours which is absolutely ridiculous. And it’s even longer if you take into account commercial breaks and moronic red carpet interviews. I don’t even wanna watch films that go on for that long so why the fuck would I want to watch an awards ceremony that does?
5. It’s all a load of bollocks anyway. And everyone knows that really – otherwise why has Leo been ignored for so long? Because he doesn’t partake in back scratching and ad placing?
Academy voters are made up mainly of actors, directors and producers (with about 75% being white and male). Getting nominated in the first place is a serious business and to secure a win – even more dedication is required. Let’s be honest, it doesn’t just come down to talent.
Judi Dench, who won Best Supporting Actress in 1998 for Shakespeare in Love, was only on screen for an incredible eight minutes. Sorry, I meant to say Dame Judi Dench.
And on the other side of the coin we have George C. Scott who showed what a true gentleman he really was after winning Best Actor in 1971 for his role in Patton and refusing to accept the award. He was quoted as saying “The whole thing is a goddamn meat parade. I don’t want any part of it”. There’s something very refreshing about his attitude.
And there’s plenty of actors who I think are really, really terrific – like Toby Jones or Stephen Graham. But they’ll never get nominated for an Oscar. Why? Because the Oscars are snobby, pretentious bollocks. And I’d rather watch The Guest.
But I did promise to tell you the one thing I do like about the awards and that thing is……(probably going to be a let down now)………..seeing what people are wearing.
I know, so fetch and girlie right? I do love looking at the dresses.