Do any of you dudes out there enjoy indulging your manly urges? Nothing kinky before you raise an eyebrow, just stuff like ripping the meat off a turkey leg with your teeth (sorry veggies) or building a tree house for your nephew with your bare hands. You know – guy stuff.
Food, booze, video games, jerky grams (OMG), a zombie survival pack (triple OMG) and loads more quirky items can be bought and the best thing… do you know what the best thing is? Each gift comes sealed in a wooden crate that can only be opened with a crowbar, I kid you not. Check them out! I’ve already seen a ton of things I know my boyfriend would love (and me as well if I’m honest, hint hint)
Anyway, the lovely people over at Man Crates asked me recently what would I put in my very own Horror Film Survival Crate. If I was starring in my own scary movie, what would I need to see me through the terror? Which items would be necessary to secure my survival?
I know everyone says this just in case the impending zombie apocalypse does actually happen. But I’m more thinking about when I’m running through the woods away from The Deranged Killer. You know that dry mouth thing? I hate that. If I’m doing a lot of running, I’ll need a lot of water.
Duh! But what? Well I’d want something that could potentially keep on going. We’re not all Daryl Dixon and we don’t all have an endless supply of arrows. Guns and crossbows are good for distance but they will (unless you’re Daryl Dixon) eventually run out of ammunition. And who knows if I’d be in a position to reload. I’d rather have something that just kept on going. How about a samurai sword? And a baseball bat for luck.
Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson
If this guy popped out of my Survival Crate I would feel safe immediately. Unless he was infected with the rage virus or holding a ventriloquist doll or something – then I’d just be freaked out. But he’s strong and big – I could hide behind him, he could carry me when I was tired, I’d have someone to make decisions for me because I’m crap at making decisions. And he could teach me how to do that people’s eyebrow thing.
A mix CD
Whether I’m killing monsters, running away from hillbillies or staring in horror at a demonic child there’s one thing I’m always going to want – an awesome soundtrack to do it to. This is more important than the samurai sword – fact.
Ideally stored with plenty of extra fuel. Really this is one of the most important items, how far can you expect to get without a car, in any horror film circumstance? Absolute necessity item to get me and Dwayne to safety. And of course…..I need somewhere to play my mix CD.
I’ve been scared of the dark my entire life. It’s something that haunted me as a child and then became comical as I reached adulthood. Now at the grand old age of almost 30 I have practically grown out of it but I always leave the hall light on. Anyway, there’s no way I could survive a horror film without a torch. I couldn’t even survive a power cut without a torch.
Crucifix & Book about the Supernatural
I’ve been practical so far but what if my horror film boasts a supernatural entity? Vampires, demons, werewolves, ghosts, the twins from The Shining. Captain Howdy. Even The Rock’s muscles would be redundant against a creepy, freaky dead person. Of course ideally I’d like someone with me like Elise Reiner from Insidious or the funny little woman from Poltergeist (go to the light Carol Anne!) or OH MY GOD Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Giles. But alas, a crucifix is easier to carry around. And old dusty books usually hold The Answer.
Bottle of Jack Daniels
Because to be honest, if it really was The End – I’d rather just get drunk.
So, what would you have in your Horror Film Survival Crate? Comment below and don’t forget to check out Man Crates! Happy Halloween everyone.