A Star is Born (2020)

WARNING……THIS IS MASSIVELY SPOILER HEAVER

As if that embarrassing picture wasn’t enough to put me off ever watching this movie, throw in an intense (and maybe irrational but probably not) dislike of Bradley Cooper AND a film storyline that would induce me to fetch a sick bucket rather than popcorn and chocolatey snacks. Schmaltz. Life affirming nonsense, mortifying singing and facial expressions, utter twee romantic bollocks – what a load of crap shite.

Buuuuuuuuuut, BUT – A Star is Born was on over the Christmas holiday (two weeks off work) on BBC1 (no adverts) and my boyfriend and I had long since joked about watching it. To be honest, I think he wanted to watch it watch it. As in WATCH IT. Maybe I did a little bit too and we both joked about it and then it came on TV and we just said, shall we watch it?

We watched it.

In honesty I didn’t mind it. I do not think it’s a good film but it was okay for a one-time watch – something I must have said a million times over the years. I took the piss quite a bit too, which is always fun for me but maybe not so much for the person I’m watching with. I dunno – after two or three Pinots I think I’m Micky Flanagan.  

It started off OK actually. The introduction of Lady Gaga and the drag queen club etc – that was alright I suppose and then it just went and got really silly and apparently devoid of any decent writing or literally anything I could believe in.

(See this is why I prefer horror movies).

I mean, Dave Chapelle. He was such a good friend taking in the booze addled, red eyed and sweaty Bradley Cooper – who he scraped off the pavement outside his house. He then invited this druggy, self-deprecating loser to share breakfast with his family and then decided to arrange a wedding for him and Gaga – FOR THE SAME DAY! What the actual fuck. Absolutely ridiculous and we never see Chapelle his ‘best friend’ after that. Oh and the guitar string ring – PLEASE. Just……don’t.

I didn’t believe in any of it – which was a major buzzkill obviously. It all seemed too contrived, every cliché in the book – despite whether this fit with the storyline we had already been fed. I don’t think Bradley Cooper would have killed himself at the end. He made an extremely rash and quick decision about the most final decision anyone could make and it seemed to come from nowhere.

When he told the story in rehab about his attempted suicide as a kid, I did turn to boyfriend and joked ‘oh maybe he’ll kill himself at the end then’. But I genuinely never thought he really would! The way I saw his character, he was just a guy who liked a drink. A rock and roll, denim clad singer with permanent sunglasses and a guitar slung over his shoulder. Then suddenly at the halfway mark or thereabouts we’re all supposed to believe he’s a heavy using drug addict, basically a junkie and suicidal?

Yeah they showed a few times him crushing up pills or drinking too much but it never seemed like some rock bottom, scary meth face shit, mere the perils of being a rock star and to be honest, not that impressive. The pacing of this movie – and the ridiculous leaps it took – never seemed real and I couldn’t believe in the characters or their set-up because it was stupid. STUPID.

The bad pacing continued with Gaga and Cooper’s relationship as well. Again the beginning, wasn’t so bad. There was obviously some chemistry between them and Gaga played her character quite sweetly. But I never felt like it was some big love affair. I never felt like they made a good couple. In fact after the half-way mark I can’t remember them even spending much time together as she seemed more keen on dying her hair and getting her tits out and and going on terrible pop music tours. But then she was really upset when he killed himself and stopped dying her hair?

I’m guessing there’s a moral here but I don’t really care for it.

THE END