Top 10 Worst Things About having a Cold

Posted on March 30, 2016 by emmakwall

pikachu

Top 10 Worst Things About having a Cold

1. I feel like crap but everyone expects me to get on with normal day-to-day life because it’s ‘only a cold’. No matter that I can’t breathe properly, ache everywhere and keep having a sensual, sexy battle between The Sweats and The Shivers.

2. So I battle my way into work, armed with lemsips and so much tissue I think some is trailing out my shoe, because – after all – it’s ‘only a cold’, only to be given evil looks by my colleagues, who instead of feeling motivated and inspired by my work ethic actually wish I’d stayed at home and start muttering about ‘picking up germs from the idiot who came in ill…’.

3. The way the skin around my nostrils gets dry and flaky from too much blowing. It makes me look like I have white bogeys hanging constantly from my nose. Or just bits of skin – but either way it’s not cool.

4. Smug, healthy people. They just wind me up. All smug and healthy.

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5. The way my ears get so blocked up. It’s the most horrible, disconcerting feeling. Okay perhaps I do make it worse by sticking cotton buds down there, a pencil, some olive oil or my finger – whatever is close to hand basically, but they still won’t fucking pop.

6. The obligatory “I’ve just had a cold” cough that hangs around for the next five weeks.

7. Speaking of which, smoking isn’t enjoyable. I know, I know, I shouldn’t smoke at all. But it’s nice to have one after dinner. Or with a glass of wine (also not advisable when ill).

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8. The cost of medicine. I’m not a complete idiot, I know buying supermarket brand stuff is cheaper than ‘posh’ brands that contain literally the exact same ingredients. But a typical shopping basket when I’m ill doesn’t come cheap. Lemsips of course, paracetamol (maybe two packs just in case). Tissues, no scrap that – tissues with aloe vera soothing balm to try and avoid the nose skin. Pure orange juice with bits in (for the vitamin C), comfort food, trashy magazines (medicinal) and cold & flu tablets which are basically the same as paracetamol but also contain caffeine.

9. NOTHING IS ENJOYABLE! That’s actually the thing I hate the most. I love laying around being lazy watching The Chase and I love being in the bath reading a good book –  but when I’m ill neither of these things are enjoyable anymore. Nothing is. So get the violins out.

10. And lastly, the fact that when I blow my nose it sounds like a badly played trumpet and I’m not even kidding. How do people do it quietly? Is it normal for everyone in the vicinity to laugh after you’ve blown your nose?

About emmakwall

Films, books, soundtracks, good humour
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84 Responses to Top 10 Worst Things About having a Cold

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  1. jwforeva says:
    March 30, 2016 at 14:18

    I’m having a cold myself too, ah but that wasn’t even what was keeping me feeling down today. Hope you feel better Ems 🙂 This was a hilarious post…in a serious funny way haha, I’ve had alot of nose congestion for years before my surgery, so I got this more frequently than others.

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  2. thejunctionuk says:
    March 30, 2016 at 14:05

    Comments about “Man-Flu”…..

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  3. Urspo says:
    March 30, 2016 at 13:53

    only a cold? This nonsense needs to stop viz. ‘because it is only a cold’ we should keep going.
    Time to stop/rest and not interact with others! Lead the way by example! Stay home and rest!

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  4. Cindy Bruchman says:
    March 30, 2016 at 13:21

    The stupid cold. I hear you. Sorry to chuckle throughout your rant; I found your post amusing. Feel better soon!

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  5. beetleypete says:
    March 30, 2016 at 12:55

    I know your pain. A runny nose requires balm tissues for sure, and I am also a sneezer. I was chatting to someone out with the dog the other day, and started putting down some real big sneezes. I couldn’t stop, and after about 25 blasters, the bloke wandered off, saying “I’ll leave you to it.” I reckon he thought I was taking the piss.
    Just as well he had gone though, as when I finally finished sneezing, my face looked like The Hanging Gardens Of Snotalon. Never a good look. I have to take extra wads of tissues out with me now, just in case.
    Get well soon honey. As ever, Pete. xxx
    (When I still smoked ‘real’ cigarettes, I used to smoke through all manner of colds and chest infections. Nothing stopped me, even when I couldn’t taste them.)

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    • beetleypete says:
      March 30, 2016 at 12:56

      Oh, and nose blowing. It has to be done like a Tuba, otherwise it doesn’t work. I always wonder about those polite ‘snufflers.’ Not really a proper nose-blow, is it? x

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    • emmakwall says:
      March 31, 2016 at 10:45

      25 blasters!! That woudl be so funny if he did think you were taking the piss, just trying to get out of conversation by faking a sneezing fit!! 🙂

      I’ve also got to the stage where I take out tissues with me ‘just in case’. Even when I don’t have a cold I’m just one of those ‘runny nose people’ I only have to be in cold weather or a bit of wind etc and my nose starts going like a good’un!

      Thanks for relating to me Pete in such a fantastic way! I know smoking’s bad for us but couldn’t help but smile at what you said too about smoking through colds and infections etc. Something that a non-smoker would never understand!! xxx

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      • beetleypete says:
        March 31, 2016 at 10:48

        I have been on e-cigs for some time now, and recently graduated to one of those tube-like vaping machines. They are just as satisfying, leave no smell, are much,much cheaper to use and I get to have blueberry flavour too! xxx

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  6. Cici says:
    March 30, 2016 at 12:00

    oh am so sorry. People under estimate how bad colds can be. I am usually like the walking dead. Your coworkers need to applaud you for the motivation it took for you to get out of bed and get to work.
    And Ems, really? Smoking while you are sick? You do not want to see the messed up scenarios that came into my head when I read that.

    Get well soon Emma!

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  7. alexraphael says:
    March 30, 2016 at 11:18

    Was ill myself recently. Sucks. Bet your voice is super husky

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    • emmakwall says:
      March 30, 2016 at 11:24

      Do you know what Alex you won’t believe me but I meant to give you a shout out on this post!! Grr, I totally forgot. Just a ‘hope my buddy Alex feels better too’ kind of thing! How are you??

      Husky in a sexy way I’m assuming? Unfortunately I sound more like Ursula the Sea Witch ha ha ha!

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  8. mikeladano says:
    March 30, 2016 at 11:03

    Nothing to add here! Brilliantly true.

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  9. vinnieh says:
    March 30, 2016 at 10:57

    I hope you are feeling better soon Emma.

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  10. newguy87 says:
    March 30, 2016 at 10:51

    Sounds like what i had for the last few weeks, i think i just worked high on Lockets think i was going through a pack a day

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