Firstly, I must apologise for being rubbish and watching too much Family Guy / Tattoo Fixers / Pawn Stars / The Chase / Channel 5 documentaries about benefits and all the other shit* I find to watch on a daily basis rather than the movies I should be watching.
*The Chase isn’t shit. I bloody love The Chase.
February was pitiful in terms of film quantity. I watched a grand total of….five movies. Yep, five movies over 29 days. Three of which were re-watches and one of those I watched just last month. Go Emma! Don’t I work tirelessly to make this blog a buzzing hub of the latest film news and hot topics.
Anyway the two new movies I watched were Zoolander 2 (2016) and The Hateful Eight (2015). You can read their respective reviews here and here but if you just want the short answer, which is often preferable – yes I enjoyed them.
My re-watches included Amy (2015) – the documentary film on the late Amy Winehouse which I also reviewed (and you can read here). I only watched it again so soon because it was showing on TV but it really is brilliant and I was just as captivated the second time around.
Orphan (2009) and Con Air (1997) were the other two films I re-watched and I’m sure most people have seen them? Well surely everyone has seen Con Air. If you haven’t, I’m not sure we can be friends. Because man I love Con Air – but more of that in a minute.
Orphan is the horror movie about the psychotic girl who looks like Stacey Slater from EastEnders at the end when she’s full on rage and murdering. And that doesn’t give anything away I hope – don’t most horrors end up with rage and murdering?
Poor thing, I know how she feels. I often feel disheartened and angry when I take my make-up off too.
It’s actually not a bad little film. Not really that scary, but kind of horrible in places. More a thriller / horror / mystery. Slight unintentional humour which mainly stems from the camp, patronising, annoying dad and of course a few ‘as if’ moments too. But who cares, it’s a horror film. I want ‘as if’ moments.
Well that’s pretty much it I guess. Without much left to say I thought I’d make a list of the five funniest bits in Con Air.
Actually six – the first one is this picture.
The way it’s implied that Steve Buscemi’s freedom at the end is a good thing – despite him killing loads of people and wearing a “girl’s head as a hat”. Oh, but he didn’t do anything bad to the little girl in the trailer park and he does makes funny comments on the plane, so he must be alright!
The way John Cusack looks at Nicolas Cage when he jumps on the police motorbike in Vegas. Poe is soooo outlandish! It just makes me laugh. Here’s the picture and a conversation I like to imagine is happening telepathically:
Poe: “I’m taking this bike.”
Larkin: “Poe….you just got out of jail. You can’t just jump on a police bike like you own the place! I’m a US Marshall for god’s sake and I appreciate your help whilst the plane was in the air but we have plenty of back-up. Seriously, what are you doing? Go and see your fucking family, they’ve been waiting eight years to see you and do you know how many times you almost died today? You’ve never even met your daughter! And you have no authority at all to be on that bike.”
Poe: “I’m taking this bike.”
Larkin: “Yeah….it’s the right thing to do.”
The way Cyrus the Virus ‘hides’ at the top of the ladder and looks directly at Poe when he’s doing his SECRET ESCAPE from the Vegas strip, on top of a fire engine.
Annoyingly I can’t find a picture of this anywhere but hopefully someone will know what I mean and is nodding their head in agreement right now!
When John Cusack persuades Colm Meaney NOT to blow up the hijacked and highly unstable convict plane (in the middle of the desert where it’s relatively safe) because….because…”because there’s a good man up there goddammit!”
Only for a hideous crash landing to then take place in the center of Las Vegas where carnage and explosions ensue and an entire casino full of people gets destroyed. Outstanding decision!
“That’s a rock.”