Two big spider pictures

Like all normal, sane and sensible people I’m not keen on big spiders. I mean I’m not too silly and girly about them as a rule, if they are small they’re quite OK. And if they’re outside they’re OK. If they’re small AND outside that equals positively charming!

What do I mean by small? I mean you technically get quite large spiders that aren’t particularly scary because they have small bodies and thin, spindly legs. The kind that almost bounce from ceiling to wall. I’m not sure I’d want one crawling over my face exactly, but it wouldn’t bother me by just existing.

Equally you get smaller spiders that are still quite hideous by being thick legged and having those menacing and bright yellow ‘death stare’ eyes. OK maybe I’m exaggerating with the last bit but the point is they have fat bodies and hairy legs (like mafia men doing a deal in a sauna) so despite being small they are still rather awful.

I would never kill a spider that was sitting outside. No matter how scary, how gross. I would never kill it. Inside the house it’s fair game. It’s MY house after all, my territory. If I trespassed into a huge, webbed spider lair (think Aragog) then I’d fully expect to get eaten. Same with alleyways – I can’t be the only person who’s almost WALKED INTO a garden spider at face level whilst walking through an alleyway. Where I live there’s lots of alleyways connecting the streets (I made it sound like I live in Gotham City but I don’t) and seriously, you get webs going the whole way across from side to side. So you see with Humans V Spiders it’s swings and roundabouts.  

My partner is impervious to their fear tactics thankfully, so usually he will get rid of them with the old ‘pint glass and bit of paper’ trick but I have killed quite a few spiders over the years. Though I’m not proud to admit it, I’m neither ashamed either and I’ve saved enough of the bastards. Only the other night – this is honestly a true story – I went to the toilet in the middle of the night and saw a medium sized spindly legged one in the bath. Being the first one to have a shower in the morning I idlily thought to myself hmm, I’ll have to remember about him in the morning and ask Justin to get rid. But as I watched him hopelessly try to pull his body up the side of the bath only to keep slipping back I actually felt sorry for him. So (this was around 2.30 in the morning and I was sitting on the toilet remember) I then spent a good two to three minutes (2.30am!) trying to get him onto some toilet roll and into a safe, non-bath place. I succeeded and still don’t know where he ended up.

So anyway, small introduction over, here are my two big spider pictures. Almost proof that the UK is as scary as Australia.

This is the most recent and my boyfriend’s gloved hand. He was moving crates in the warehouse at work and this fella came to say hello. A good old fashioned GIANT HOUSE SPIDER. Definitely one of the more horrific and deplorable spiders our country has to offer. What a monster though! Look at the side of that body *shudder*. I daresay some weirdo will still call him cute though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this one is from, maybe two years ago now and it’s a shame that my photo – though pretty decent (whilst trembling and shaking and shuddering) – still can’t quite capture the true size of the thing because this fucker was HUGE. On my phone I can zoom in and count each hair on each leg. And you see those pincer things out front? I’m unsure whether they’re eyes or fangs but suspect – rationally – they are evil, ancient fangs full of deadly poisons. I’ve never even seen a spider that looks like that before. He was on the wall of my balcony and because of the ‘grand tradition’ of never killing a spider outside, well, presumably he’s still out there somewhere?

About emmakwall

Films, books, soundtracks, good humour
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23 Responses to Two big spider pictures

  1. Eric Binford says:

    My big brother is afraid of spiders, yet Spiderman is his favorite super-hero! LOL!

  2. dunelight says:

    I used to really hate/fear spiders, then I took up sailing. Everything I wanted was there, on the other side of my fear.

    • emmakwall says:

      So it helped you get over your fear of spiders? What if there was a massive spider in your sailing boat? 🙂

      • dunelight says:

        You keep racing.

        Spiders are everywhere on a sailboat. They prefer the top bits, mostly they come down at night. It they are in your way you fling them over the side.

        I wanted to learn to sail. I wanted to be part of the community. I wanted to be accepted by my crew.

        Everything I wanted was on the other side of my fear.

  3. My brother is afraid of spiders, but I personally, have never been afraid of them. That’s not to say I wouldn’t freak out if I saw them this big. And I have seen some pretty big spiders in my lifetime. I don’t actively try to kill spiders outside, but I will if they’re too close to my house.

    • emmakwall says:

      This kind of size seems a little TOO big doesn’t it! I don’t like killing anything really (except gnats, I pretty much hate those ha ha) but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do!

  4. Urspo says:

    I say smash the bastards

  5. ManInBlack says:

    No! Just no! 😮

  6. Jay says:

    Yeah, I’m not a big fan of them myself but usually we stay clear of each other and things are fine. The biggest spiders I encounter tend to be at the cottage – there’s a certain kind of very thick spider that loves to nest under the docks, so you step on the dock and suddenly a hundred spiders start swarming up through the cracks. I have to do a lot of self-soothing.

  7. johnrieber says:

    Here in LA, we have huge ones as well…the big furry kind, the size of a fist. My friends came home one night to a Tarantula sitting on their front doorstep. The husband ran around to the back of the house, got a container of bleach, and poured it on the giant hairy spider, thinking that would do the trick. Instead, IT MADE THE SPIDER VERY ANGRY. It charged him and he had to grab a broom to kill it. They called animal control: “we have a Tarantula at our house.” Their reply? “No you don’t.” What? “There’s NEVER just one.” Oh my…

    • emmakwall says:

      Blimey John! That sounds hideous to say the least ha ha. I actually visited LA in 2018, so I am VERY pleased I didn’t realise it was home to big furry the size of a fist tarantulas!

      I did laugh at the description too “it charged him” love that!!!! Man vs Spider (spider won!)

      You stay safe 🙂

      • johnrieber says:

        Emma, when they tell the story it gets a big laugh but he admits it terrified them all! They couldn’t go back into the house until it was completely fumigated and inspected!

  8. filmmiasma says:

    Those things, no matter what size, scare me to death. I would croak.

  9. beetleypete says:

    Julie hates all spiders, so any in the house get killed by her immediately, no matter how tiny and inoffensive. If she misses her strike, she cannot stay in the room for fear that it might ‘get her’ later. So if it was in the bedroom, she will sleep on the sofa. I wouldn’t hesitate to kill ones as big as those in your photos, even though I know they have no desire to hurt me. It’s just the way they suddenly move, and the fact they look so bloody repulsive! I have boxes stacked in our garage that have been there for over 8 years. I’m guessing there are some monsters lurking behind those.
    Mind you, compared to the dinner-plate sized spiders I saw in Kenya, we get nothing like that over here.
    As ever, Pete. XXX

    • emmakwall says:

      Julie is a very sensible lady! I do understand about the ‘get you later’ fear, I really do! Or the irrational idea some of their friends might come back for revenge?! Actually, better not tell her that one if she’s not thought of it already!

      I 100% agree with you about they way they move and they are so repulsive yes!!!! Their legs and the way they scuttle (those house spiders in particular). Boxes in the garage are the worst (or best!) hiding places 🙂

      Thank you Pete. You take care. Emma xxx

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